Tim Tracer

Contrary to popular belief, a spider can enjoy some McDonald’s.
And I know what you’re thinking — how does a spider eat a Big Mac?

Well… you’d have to come over and see my boy Tim eat an entire Big Mac in one bite — in five seconds. It’s kind of impressive. Terrifying, but impressive.

Anyway, Tim’s a huge McDonald’s fan. I’m talking five-times-a-week-on-DoorDash level fan. UberEats too. I don’t know where he’s getting the money — lowkey hoping he’s not using my card.

But I’ll give him credit: before he orders, he always asks me if I want anything.
Which is more than I can say for a certain ant I know. (Looking at you, Eric — but that’s a story for another time.)

So this morning, Tim handed me the phone and told me to order. Which was weird, because Tim never wakes up before noon, let alone wants food in the morning. But I figured he was up late grinding another Minecraft Bedwars tournament, so I took advantage of the moment and hit up the McDonald’s breakfast menu.

I kept it light. Just the hotcakes meal, fries, an extra hashbrown, an egg side, and of course, the MVP: a sausage egg McMuffin. I’m trying to stay fit.

I handed the phone back to Tim, we chilled, and a little while later the food arrived.

I was hyped. I’ve been starving lately — mostly because Tim eats everything in the house. You wouldn’t expect a spider to eat that much, but trust me… I go through groceries like every two days. (But that’s a story for another time.)

So I bring the bag inside, hand Tim his usual (Big Mac meal, obviously), and sit down to enjoy my breakfast.

Now, I like to add a little ketchup to my sausage egg McMuffin. So I take the bun off — and that’s when I noticed something strange.

The cheese had writing on it.
In all caps, it said: RUN.

So I did what any reasonable person would do.
I hit record — because at the end of the day, I am a content creator.

I started talking to the camera like,
“Yo, why does my McMuffin have writing on the cheese?”
Explaining the situation. Making content.

Then the unthinkable happened.

A piece of the cheese ran off the sandwich.

I jumped so hard, I nearly hit the ceiling. Tim saw it too — and immediately bolted out of the kitchen like his life depended on it.

As usual, I stopped recording and ran after him. Priorities.

Now, stuff like this isn’t even that weird in our house. You all know by now — things get wild. Usually, we deal with it and move on.

But when we came back to the kitchen, the cheese was just… gone. No trace. No slime trail. Just missing.

And honestly? We didn’t even care. We were hungry. So we finished our food and spent the rest of the morning watching basketball like nothing happened.

But that piece of cheese?
Yeah… we never saw it again.

Lowkey kind of unsettling. But whatever.

Still not as jumpscary as the time a cheese slice crawled off me and Tim’s nachos a few months ago…

…but that’s a story for another time.