Tim Tracer

Back-to-back stories of me getting disrespected in my own house.
Here we go again.

So me and Tim were chilling on the couch, watching basketball — usual vibes. You know how we normally watch Lakers vs. Celtics? Well, this time it was Celtics vs. Lakers. Totally different energy.

Anyway, mid-second quarter, Tim gets a text from Eric — yeah, that Eric, the king of the ants from the “accidental party” situation. Apparently he was in the neighborhood. And I don’t know what kind of energy Tim was on, but without even asking me, he texts Eric to come over.

Just straight up invited him. Didn’t say a word to me.

I don’t know if Tim’s getting too comfortable, or if he thinks he owns the place now because he’s got a little fanbase online… but lately, he’s been moving different.

Next thing you know, the doorbell rings. I go to open it — and boom, it’s Eric.

But not just Eric.
It’s Eric and his entire 10,000-ant army.

And before I can say a single word, they all rush in like they own the place. Straight to the couch. Like this isn’t my house, like this isn’t my couch. You would’ve thought they lived there.

Now listen — I don’t mind Tim inviting people over.
But when it’s 10,001 people at once? Nah. It’s way too much.

And then suddenly, I’m the host. So now I’m in the kitchen making popcorn and handing out water bottles like it’s a movie night. Sure, they’re ants and don’t need much — one popcorn bag, one water bottle — but still, it’s the principle.

The worst part? They never take the hint to leave.

So when the game ended, I hit Tim with,
“Yo, I gotta be up early tomorrow. I’m camping out at GameStop for the new Zelda drop, so your friends gotta bounce.”

I said it loud — in front of everybody.

Nobody moved.

I dropped hints for a solid 20 minutes. Nothing.
Eventually I gave up and went to sleep.

Next morning, I wake up thinking the coast is clear. House is quiet, living room is empty, Tim is nowhere to be seen. I figure they all left while I was knocked out.

So I go about my morning routine. Making breakfast, filming my process — you know, the Ashton Hall/Drew Wall type content, because at the end of the day, I am a content creator.

While I’m recording, I spot Eric just chilling on the floor.

I’m like, are you serious?

At first, I thought he was alone, so still recording, I picked up a box, threw it at him, and told him to get out.

And that’s when it happened.

Eric’s entire 10,000 ant army came crawling out from under the oven like it was some Marvel post-credits scene.

I panicked and backed up.

Then — out of nowhere — Tim popped out from underneath the oven too.

I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but he was down there with them.
I felt betrayed.

But I knew I wasn’t winning this battle. I apologized immediately.

And just like that, they all stopped. No attack. Just vibes.

I’ve been taking L after L lately. I’m literally getting bullied in my own house.

But the wildest part? Eric’s army turned on Tim.
But that’s a story for another time…