Not gonna lie, I’m skipping about six months of Tim lore to tell this one — but I have to, because it’s too funny not to share.
The last couple stories I told? Those were all Tim’s fault. But this one?
This one’s on me.
Back in early February, I used a $100 Amazon gift card my aunt gave me for Christmas (which was about to expire) to buy a Roomba. I didn’t really need one, but two weeks later, the Roomba showed up on my doorstep. I had honestly forgotten I even ordered it.
I set it up right away while Tim watched from the couch. He was going by Tim now — no more Justin, but that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, he was pretty cautious around the Roomba, which makes sense. He’s small enough to actually be a snack for it. But I reassured him: this was a special edition Roomba, designed not to harm small animals. So we were good.
…What I didn’t know is that if you tap the Roomba three times on top, it switches modes — and turns off that exact safety feature. But I didn’t read the manual, because let’s be honest, who does?
For about a week, everything was fine. The Roomba was doing its thing, keeping the floors clean. I was vibing. Tim, though, still didn’t trust it. He kept saying it had a mind of its own — claimed it was “watching him” when he wasn’t looking. He said its two laser sensors felt like eyes, always locked on him.
I laughed and told him, “Yo bro, calm down. It’s not gonna get you.”
But two days later, Tim finally started getting comfortable with it. I saw him walk past the Roomba like it was nothing, and I thought, See? I knew he’d get over it.
Then, as a little thank-you gesture, I walked over to the Roomba, patted it on top three times, and said, “Good job, bro”.
Which, as you now know, was a mistake.
That activated regular Roomba mode — the one where it does go after bugs and spiders.
I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. Apparently, right as I closed the door, Tim walked in front of the Roomba and it immediately locked onto him like a heat-seeking missile.
Caught off guard, Tim didn’t notice at first. But then he heard the wheels and looked back — and it was go time. He bolted.
What I also forgot to mention is that Tim had invited King Eric and his 10,000 ant bodyguards over to watch football that night. So as Tim sprinted past the bathroom, yelling, I opened the door and saw him booking it down the hall.
And of course, I did what anyone would do in that moment:
I pulled out my phone and hit record. (Video down below)
I mean, c’mon — I knew Tim was fast. I knew he’d outrun it. And obviously I would’ve stepped in if things got serious. I’m not that kind of guy.
What I didn’t expect was what happened next.
Tim reached King Eric and the army. The Roomba followed close behind… until the ants noticed.
King Eric gave one quick command — and the 10,000 ants swarmed the Roomba.
You’d think the Roomba would stand its ground. It’s a robot, right? It’s built to consume crumbs, hair, and dust. But nah — not in my house. The Roomba straight-up panicked, turned around, and ran out the front door.
We never saw it again.
I didn’t even know Roombas could run, but that one did.
Later that night, Tim gave me the “I told you so” look. I didn’t even argue. I just nodded.
Maybe he was right all along. Maybe that Roomba was out to get him.
So yeah, definitely a wild Tim story.
But the time he got chased by Eric’s entire ant army?
That’s a whole other level of absurd — but that’s a story for another time…
